“She knew it! Charlotte just knew it! And now her daughter was boyfriend-less! Yes! Wait-no! Oh no, poor Lu.”

“This was the part where Charlotte, heroine, remembered she was a twenty-first-century woman and a mother. This was Charlotte saying, Hell no!”

“Sometimes ..." Miss Charming's voice dropped lower, and she looked Charlotte in the eye. "Sometimes my boobs kill." Charlotte's eyes wideened, her mouth agape. It wasn't until Miss Charming followed her shocking statement by rubbing her chest in discomfort that Charlotte realized " my boobs kill" meant "my boobs ache" rather than " my boobs fatally maim people." It was a natural mistake to make. After all they really were large enough to suffocate a grown man.”

“When the mountain quaked Like an elbow's nudgeLike a shout that something is wrongThe people awoke andKnew, yes, knew, that bandits had come”

“Does anyone smell roasting meat?' said Razo, 'Oh, wait, it's just Geric's face.”

“Some postdivorce statistics:* James saw the children 75 percent less than before.* He missed 85 percent of their afterschool woes.* He was absent for 99 percent of their family dinners.Screw statistics. ONe hundred percent of Charlotte's marriage had ended in divorce, and for her, that was the only number that meant anything at all.”

“Charlotte wondered if she would have recognized the crazy much earlier if he looked more like Steve Buscemi then Mr. Medieval Hotness.”