“No one washes their hands after they piss unless they’re in a public place. If I’m at the airport, or a restaurant, and someone else is there, I’ll soap up for the sake of civilization, but it’s only for show, I don’t really care if I have ultraviolet traces of urine or feces on my hands. But, if I see someone walk oudda the men’s without soaping up I’ll think he’s deranged, borderline psychotic. At least pretend that washing your hands matters. You know, for the sake of civilization.”

“I always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw in an extra bar of soap for FREE.”

“I know great art when someone doesn’t wash their hands after making it. And not only did Duchamp not wash his hands, but he didn’t even flush!”

“If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?”

“Microscopic Vs Telescopic vision-When you like someone you see him through a telescope, meaning you don’t see his minor faults and look only the brighter side of the person. On the other hand the person whom you hate is seen by microscope. His minor faults are amplified. This gives a distorted picture of the personality. For example you do not know how many germs are on your hand now. You feel that it is clean. But if you see through a microscope you will find many germs and then you will bad about your hand, the same hand which you think is clean. You wash it by soap but still some remains.”

“The line from Pulp Fiction—the one Samuel L. Jackson shouts at John Travolta as they’re trying to wash blood off their hands—pops into my head: 'I used the same soap you did and when I dried my hands, the towel didn't look like no fuckin’ maxi-pad!' I almost—almost—share this most quotable of cinematic quotes with him, when I remember it contains The Word. You know: 'maxi-pad.”