“Larry’s such a liar---He tells outrageous lies.He says he’s ninety-nine years oldInstead of only five.He says he lives up on the moon,He says that he once flew.He says he’s really six feet fourInstead of three feet two.He says he has a billion dollars‘Stead of just a dime.He says he rode a dinosaurBack in some distant time.He says his mother is the moonWho taught him magic spells.He says his father is the windThat rings the morning bells.He says he can take stones and rocksAnd turn them into gold.He says he can take burnin’ fireAnd turn it freezin’ cold.He said he’d send me seven elvesTo help me with my chores.But Larry’s such a liar---He only sent me four.”

“THE BAGPIPE WHO DIDN'T SAY NO It was nine o'clock at midnight at a quarter after three When a turtle met a bagpipe on the shoreside by the sea, And the turtle said, "My dearie, May I sit with you? I'm weary." And the bagpipe didn't say no. Said the turtle to the bagpipe, "I have walked this lonely shore, I have talked to waves and pebbles--but I've never loved before. Will you marry me today, dear? Is it 'No' you're going to say dear?"But the bagpipe didn't say no. Said the turtle to his darling, "Please excuse me if I stare, But you have the plaidest skin, dear, And you have the strangest hair.If I begged you pretty please, love, Could I give you just one squeeze, love?" And the bagpipe didn't say no. Said the turtle to the bagpipe, "Ah, you love me. Then confess! Let me whisper in your dainty ear and hold you to my chest." And he cuddled her and teased her And so lovingly he squeezed her. And the bagpipe said, "Aaooga." Said the turtle to the bagpipe, "Did you honk or bray or neigh? For 'Aaooga' when your kissed is such a heartless thing to say. Is it that I have offended? Is it that our love is ended?" And the bagpipe didn't say no. Said the turtle to the bagpipe, "Shall i leave you, darling wife? Shall i waddle off to Woedom? Shall i crawl out of your life? Shall I move, depart and go, dear-- Oh, I beg you tell me 'No' dear!" But the bagpipe didn't say no. So the turtle crept off crying and he ne'er came back no more, And he left the bagpipe lying on that smooth and sandy shore. And some night when tide is low there, Just walk up and say, "Hello, there," And politely ask the bagpipe if this story's really so. I assure you, darling children, the bagpipe won't say "No.”

“Ma and God God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Use your fork."God gave us voices--Ma says, "Don't scream."Ma says eat broccoli, cereal and carrots.But God gave us tasteys for maple ice cream.God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Use your hanky."God gave us puddles--Ma says, "Don't splash."Ma says, "Be quiet, your father is sleeping."But God gave us garbage can covers to crash.God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Put your gloves on."God gave us raindrops--Ma says, "Don't get wet."Ma says be careful, and don't get too near toThoses strange lovely dogs that God gave us to pet.God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Go wash 'em."But God gave us coal bins and nice dirty bodies.And I ain't too smart, but there's one thing for certain--Either Ma's wrong or else God is.”

“Yes, I'm adopted.My folks were not blessedWith me in the usual way.But they picked me,They chose meFrom all the rest,Which is lots more than most kids can say.”

“Birds are flyin' south for winter.Here's the Weird-Bird headin' north,Wings a-flappin', beak a-chatterin',Cold head bobbin' back 'n' forth.He says, "It's not that I like iceOr freezin' winds and snowy ground.It's just sometimes it's kind of niceTo be the only bird in town.”

“One day he said, "I'll tell this townHow it feels to be an unfunny clown."And he told them all why he looked so sad,And he told them all why he felt so bad.He told of Pain and Rain and Cold,He told of Darkness in his soul,And after he finished his tale of woe,Did everyone cry? Oh no, no, no,They laughed until they shook the trees...And while the world laughed outside.Cloony the Clown sat down and cried.”

“Patrick opens his arms about three feet wide and, with one finger pointing up on each hand, tries to show the scope of this thing. I notice that he doesn’t look at his hands as he does this, but at the wall behind me. It suddenly occurs to me that when people describe size this way, they’re relying on perspective to help them. He’s not saying ‘It’s this big.’ He’s saying ‘It would look this big from here if it was over there.”