“So, taking a page from the Alla Baranova-MacRyrie handbook of motivational techniques, Lock said, “Hey, I totally understand if you can’t do this.”

“He’d never been to a wedding at a castle before but it fit the style of the bride, who brought geekiness to a whole new level. In fact, she was the one who’d told him to go. Wait. That wasn’t right. She didn’t tell him to go. She’d told him to, “Make a break for it! Before thehounds of darkness come for you and destroy our plans to release our people from their enslavement! Go, Lachlan MacRyrie of the Clan MacRyrie. Go! And don’t look back, my friend!” It would seem strange to those who didn’t know her, but Lock knew it was simply Jessica Ward’s way of saying, “Could you look more miserable? Just go already!”

“Gwen was kind of amazed. A mother with several degrees and a prestigious position at an Ivy League college did not ensure that she’d be any less embarrassing to her child than a mother who became a nurse through night school. Gwen knew this when Alla launched into her “unfortunate changes in my vagina after the birth of Lachlan” discussion.“No. It was his shoulders. He’s always had very large shoulders. I mean look at him. Even as a baby they were freakishly long.” “Freakishly?” Lock snapped. “They stretched me right out.” “Mom!” Brody shrugged and reached for more moo goo gai pork. “I didn’t mind.” “Dad!” “Well, darling, you were always quite large, so it made things a little easier for both of us when it came to sex.” “Mom!” Alla shook her head. “I don’t know what happened to you, Lachlan MacRyrie.” She turned to Gwen. “I’ve always insisted on being quite open about human bodies when talking to my children. There’s no shame in a woman’s body. And like everything else in the world, it ages. So while you still have the exquisite body you’ve been blessed with, Gwen dear, and that prebirth vagina— enjoy it.” “Is there any way to get you to stop?” Lock begged.”

“I have iced tea, dear. Or beer?” “Maybe a saucer of milk?” Gwen and Alla looked over at Lock and he immediately pointed at his father. “It was him,” he lied.”

“Hey, hey!” Gwen said excitedly. “Look at this! Look at this!” She extended her arm and gave him the finger.”

“Have you realized" MacRyrie asked her, "that you're just like Novikov but with more charm and no OCD?""The direct thing?""Yeah," both bear and wolf said at the same time. "I like being direct. Then no one can hold shit over your head. Like when I got pregnant in high school. I ran around telling everybody. The nuns were horrified. But no one could shame me because I'd already put it all out there. For everybody!”

“Can't introduce ya,' the feline admitted.'Why not?''Don't know his name.''Snuggling up to a man y'all don't know. My momma was right. Yankees are whores.''Well, I know him,' MacDermot volumteered.The She-wolf stared at her. 'So?''You said y'all.''I didn't say 'all y'all.' So I wasn't talking to you.''I don't understand your country-speak,' McDermot complained, dropping into the desk chair across from Crush.”