“That’s why Ronnie was Sissy’s best friend. She hated all the right people.”

“This is my theory: the people who shouldn't hate themselves, do hate themselves. And the people who should hate themselves, don't hate themselves. The world is all backwards. See, this is one of the many reasons why God and I are not good friends.”

“Why is anyone the way they are? That’s kind of hard to answer. Why do some people like cheese and other people hate it? Do you like cheese?”

“For a long time, all the way through to the end of elementary school, Beans was my only friend. Because that’s how I’ve always been. I only need one good friend to see me through. Most people aren’t like that. Most people are always looking out for more people to know. In the end, Beans was like most people. After a while she had dozens of friends, and by fifth grade it was pretty obvious that even though she was my best friend, I wasn’t hers.”

“Why couldn’t I stop being an asshole for two seconds? Oh that’s right, because my insides were currently a flipping mess because of a sudden realisation that my best friend was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.”

“If you were going to be best friends with anyone - Kevin - you had to hate a lot of other people, the two of you, together. It made you better friends.”