“Why don’t you admit I’ve been robbed of my musical career because society can’t handle my innate sexuality?”

“…I noticed you don’t have any self-defense training…”“…I can handle myself just fine.”She stared at me for a long, uncomfortable moment. Finally, “In the very short time I’ve known you, you have been chased, shot, robbed, stabbed, drugged, and attacked by magic.”“I’m still breathing, aren’t I?”

“Sarah Aisling: I can’t defend against these charges because I can’t afford a litigator. But I can’t afford a litigator because I’ve been charged.Judge: You should have had insurance against contract suits.Sarah Aisling: I did.Judge: So what’s the problem?Sarah Aisling: They canceled my insurance when I filed the claim.Judge: So sue them!Sarah Aisling: I can’t, I don’t have a litigator.Judge: That’s very cute, Mrs. Aisling.”

“My parents have always been very respectful of me so I’ve always been really respectful of them. My worst fear is to let them down so that’s why I don’t misbehave.”

“A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!
”

“Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. You can’t fool an old sheep like me. To prove it, I’ll tell you that I’ve been continuously voting for the same person for president for years and years, a few of them even before he died.”