“The world is divided by two different tribes. The people who are assholes and the people who are not.”

“I used to think the world was broken down by tribes,' I said. 'By Black and White. By Indian and White. But I know this isn't true. The world is only broken into two tribes: the people who are assholes and the people who are not.”

“I realized that, sure, I was a Spokane Indian. I belonged to that tribe. But I also belonged to the tribe of American immigrants. And to the tribe of basketball players. And to the tribe of bookworms. And the tribe of cartoonists. And the tribe of chronic masturbators. And the tribe of teenage boys. And the tribe of small-town kids. And the tribe of Pacific Northwesterners. And the tribe of tortilla chips-and-salsa lovers. And the tribe of poverty. And the tribe of funeral-goers. And the tribe of beloved sons. And the tribe of boys who really missed their best friends. It was a huge realization. And that's when I knew that I was going to be okay.”

“Seymour looked around the Tucson McDonald's. There were white people and Mavajos; there were people who preferred their Quarter Pounders with cheese and those who didn't care for cheese at all; and there were those who desperately wish that McDonald's would introduce onion rings to its menu.”

“I know only, like, five Indians in our whole tribe who have never drunk alcohol. And my grandmother was one of them. "Drinking would shut down my seeing and my hearing and my feeling," she used to say. "Why would I want to be in the world if I couldn't touch the world with all of my senses intact?" (158)”

“Hey, Arnold," he said. I looked up 'in love with a white girl' on Google and found and article about that white girl named Cynthia who disappeared in Mexico last summer. You remember how her face was all over the papers and everybody said it was such a sad thing?""I kinda remember," I said."Well this article said that over two hundred Mexican girls have disappeared in the last three years in that same part of the country. And nobody says much about that. And that's racist. The guy who wrote the article says people care more about beautiful white girls than they do about everybody else on the planet. White girls are privileged. They're damsels in distress."So what does that mean?" I asked."I think it means you're just a racist asshole like everybody else.”

“The people at home,” I said. “A lot of them call me an apple.”Do they think you’re a fruit or something?” he asked.No, no,” I said. “They call me an apple because they think I’m red on the outside and white on the inside.”Ah, so they think you’re a traitor.”Yep.”Well, life is a constant struggle between being an individual and being a member of the community.”Can you believe there is a kid who talks like that? Like he’s already a college professor impressed with the sound of his own voice?Gordy,” I said. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say to me.”Well, in the early days of humans, the community was our only protection against predators, and against starvation. We survived because we trusted one another.”So?”So, back in the day, weird people threatened the strength of the tribe. If you weren’t good for making food, shelter, or babies, then you were tossed out on your own.”But we’re not primitive like that anymore.”Oh, yes, we are. Weird people still get banished.”You mean weird people like me,” I said.And me,” Gordy said.All right, then,” I said. “So we have a tribe of two.”I had the sudden urge to hug Gordy, and he had the sudden urge to prevent me from hugging him.Don’t get sentimental,” he said.Yep, even the weird boys are afraid of their emotions.”