“Do y’all have enough stun guns for them? (Madaug)Does a bear defecate rurally? What kind of question is that for someone who owns the biggest gun store in town? Of course I got plenty. I got enough Tasers to light up New York City AND Boston just for giggles. (Bubba)”

“I don’t know who has it, but apparently other people have been playing it which is why we have zombies cropping up all over the place. (Madaug)Yeah, two and three at a time, ‘cause God forbid kids should do what we did back in the old days and play in a room by ourselves. What kind of geeks are they raising nowadays? Geeks with friends who play video games together. Whoever heard of such? It’s the end of days, I’m telling you all. (Bubba)”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? I just got back and I can barely stand on my own. What do you want me to do? Bleed on them? (Fang)”

“I got a shotgun and a backhoe and no one looks under a septic tank for a dead body. (Bubba)”

“All right, everyone. Fess up. Who just shat in their pants? C’mon. Admit it. I know I did and I’m wolf enough to own it.” – Sasha”

“I still wanna know who to sue to get my store fixed. (Bubba)I’m a turnip. Sue the rich kid who started it. (Nick)”

“Now, if I could get Mark to put down his phone and stop taking breaks, we’d be able to finish up before Oprah comes on.” – Bubba“Bubba, what are you going to do when they cancel her show?” – Caleb“Shut your mouth, boy. That’s sacrilege in this store. You talk like that, and I’ll toss you through the window like an old-timey hobo in a Western.” – Bubba”