“Have you ever heard of feng shui? (Randy)Yeah. It’s the ‘put the mirror on your door and sleep in the right direction’ bullshit. (Steele)”

“My view on feng shui: don’t put your bed in front of your door because you won’t get in.”

“The Chinese say that you should never, ever buy a used desk unless you know the history of it. They claim that if it belonged to a bad businessman, his karma will befall you. This one here belonged to President Kennedy. So what do you think that means? (Randy)I don’t know, but if I were you, I wouldn’t ride through Dallas in a convertible in November. Bad feng shui. (Steele)”

“How do you get 'feng shui' out of 'thoughtful'?”

“Sensitive," I tried.Sam translated: "Squishy.""Creative.""Dangerously emo.""Thoughtful.""Feng shui."I laughed so hard I snorted. "How do you get feng shui out of 'thoughtful'?""You know, because in feng shui, you arrange furniture and plants and stuff in thoughtful ways." Sam shrugged. "To make you calm. Zenlike. Or something. I'm not one hundred percent sure how it all works, besides the thoughtful part.”

“You smoke? (Randy)Only when I’m on fire. (Steele)I don’t appreciate your humor, Mr. Steele. (Randy)I’m an acquired taste. (Steele)”