“Look. (Mark held up his hands for Nick’s inspection.) They’re all pruny and wet. I’ll never have my soft sweet hands again.” – Mark “You’re not right, are you?” – Nick “I know this clown. He keeps teasing me with these near death experiences. One day, I’m going to take his butt down even when I’m not supposed to. You can’t keep knocking on my door and then slamming it in my face. It’s just not right.” – Death”

“Cause I’m gonna put my foot so far up their butts they’re going to burp shoe leather. (Nick)”

“What is that smell? (Nick)(It was like three-day-old cat vomit mixed with rotten asparagus.)Duck urine. It keeps the zombies from thinking I’m human. (Mark)Yeah, well it keeps me from thinking you’re sane. (Nick)”

“Are you sure I can’t catch it? (Nick)I’m positive. Believe me, I know my zombies. (Bubba)(Nick scoffed.) ‘Is it just me or is that like saying I know my elves and fairies?’ (Nick)”

“Who are you talking to?” – Morty“Still in the kitchen, aren’t I? Guess I need to keep walking. Oh, look! Yonder is the door, which I’m going to make use of right now.” – Nick”

“Man, first I’m shot, now I’m going to be a friggin’ zombie. At this rate, I’ll never live to have my first date or a driver’s license. Ah, gah! I’ve come too far to die a predestrian virgin. Bubba, you can’t let me die…I only have seventeen more months and three days to my sixteenth birthday! (Nick)”

“One of you guys is going to have to feed the vampiric lawyer some blood and it can’t be me. (Caleb)Why? You afraid of a little bite?I’m anemic. (Nick)And I’m Catholic. Doesn’t that knock me out of the running? (Nick)”