“Man, first I’m shot, now I’m going to be a friggin’ zombie. At this rate, I’ll never live to have my first date or a driver’s license. Ah, gah! I’ve come too far to die a predestrian virgin. Bubba, you can’t let me die…I only have seventeen more months and three days to my sixteenth birthday! (Nick)”

“Are you sure I can’t catch it? (Nick)I’m positive. Believe me, I know my zombies. (Bubba)(Nick scoffed.) ‘Is it just me or is that like saying I know my elves and fairies?’ (Nick)”

“Not half as much as I’d miss me if you killed me. (He blinked like a girl and leaned against Ash’s shoulder.) Please don’t hurt me, Ash. Please. I don’t want to die while I’m still a virgin. At least let me get laid before you kill me – which according to my mom I can’t do until I’m married and I can’t do that until I finish college. So you have to wait a good ten years before you snuff me. Deal? (Nick)”

“I need dating advice. Fast.”Ash arched a single brow at that. “I’m useless. I’ve never been on one.”The three human men turned to gape at him. “What?” Ash asked them defensively.Nick started laughing. “Oh man, this is priceless. Don’t tell me the great Acheron is a virgin?”Ash gave him a droll look. “Yeah, Nick. I’m lily-white.”

“Look. (Mark held up his hands for Nick’s inspection.) They’re all pruny and wet. I’ll never have my soft sweet hands again.” – Mark “You’re not right, are you?” – Nick “I know this clown. He keeps teasing me with these near death experiences. One day, I’m going to take his butt down even when I’m not supposed to. You can’t keep knocking on my door and then slamming it in my face. It’s just not right.” – Death”

“For the record, do I know anyone not a demon or a freak?” – Nick“Yes, you do. Not sure if Bubba and Mark go into the latter or not, though. I’m too tired to mentally categorize them. You figure it out, and I’ll go with your Dewey decimal.” – Caleb”

“But, Bubba? Aren’t you and Mark friends? (Nick)Ah, hell no. Mark’s not my friend, he’s my minion. (Bubba)”