“Oh, goody.” – Nick “Did you say something?” – Mark“Uh, yeah. I said, ‘Oh, goody.’ As in I get to clean this mess up.” – Nick “I had that same reaction. I even tried to quit when I showed up this morning, but Bubba wouldn’t let me. Told me if I tried to leave, he’d shoot my butt full of buckshot. He’s the only SOB I know who’s crazy enough to actually do that. So here I am. Ticked off, but alive. It’s a good day.” – Mark”

“I prefer sidekick. I tried once for the title of Padawan, but Bubba wigged out saying that mentors are always killed off in books and movies and he’d be damned if he was going to die once he taught me everything I needed to know about killing zombies. (Mark)Then why let you be his sidekick? Isn’t that the same thing? (Nick)Uh, no. In the movies, the sidekicks are the ones who die. (Mark)”

“Are you sure I can’t catch it? (Nick)I’m positive. Believe me, I know my zombies. (Bubba)(Nick scoffed.) ‘Is it just me or is that like saying I know my elves and fairies?’ (Nick)”

“Then why don’t you and Bubba have girlfriends? (Nick)I don’t want the drama of it. After the last one burnt up all my clothes with my Jack Daniel’s Black Label collection and tried to decapitate me with my CDs, I decided I’d take a hiatus for a bit. (Mark)”

“I know. ‘Nick, go after psycho-ass and show him where he lives.’ But might I point out that in doing this, I should qualify for hazard pay? (Nick)Might I point out that staying here with me is far more hazardous to your health? (Acheron)What? Am I still here? Oh no, sorry, thought I’d left ten minutes ago. (Nick)”

“But, Bubba? Aren’t you and Mark friends? (Nick)Ah, hell no. Mark’s not my friend, he’s my minion. (Bubba)”

“I was keeping Bubba from committing a felony. No offense, but ‘he’s a zombie, Your Honor, don’t electrocute me’ isn’t a viable excuse. Believe me, I know. My dad’s doing three life sentences ‘cause he killed, and I quote, ‘a crap load of demons who were trying to kill me and if I hadn’t killed them, Your Honor, they’d have taken over the city and enslaved all you petty, pathetic humans.’ They wouldn’t even let my dad plead insanity because of it. So trust me, ‘zombies needed killing’ isn’t a legit defense. (Nick)”