“Oooh, hey, sex camp! Yeah. That’s the ticket. We need to start a sex camp where women can tell their hubbies they’re going to a fat farm and instead of the boot camp diet with Nazi dieticians, they go to the beach and have hot men treat them like goddesses! (Chrissy)”

“Men are the scourge of the universe. I say we line them all up along the highway and then mow them down with big trucks. No, wait! Steamrollers! Yeah, let’s steamroll them all until they’re nothing more than slimy wet spots on the road! (Chrissy)”

“Have you any idea how hard it is to go nine months out of the year with no sex when you’re married to such a fine piece of male anatomy that he should have been the god of fertility instead of the god of death?”

“Um, Dr. Alexander, there’s a couple out here who say they’re related to you. They…um…they’re biker people. (Nurse)Hey, Julian. Tell Attila the Hun here that we’re okay so we can come and ooh and aah over the babies. (Eros)”

“Oh, no. We can’t have that. Where you going, Mr. Meanie-Pants? You don’t hurt people then run. That’s just rude. Can the Simi barbecue him, or is he on the ‘No Simi’ eat list?” – Simi”

“Look, I don’t care what the Ooga-Boogas do. It sounds like they need a family counselor, not a sniper. (Steele)They’re not Ooga-Boogas, they’re Uhbukistanis. (Syd)Whatever. My personal belief is that we should leave Ooga-Booga Land to the Oomp-Loompas. Let them fight it out with the Snozzwangers, Wangdoogles, and the mean Vermicious Knids. I’d rather go peal carrots with a spoon. (Steele)”

“Good question. (Acheron)I have a better one. How are we going to clean up this mess? (Kyrian)Nah, mine’s even better. How do you hide a chainsaw in your locker at school? I’m thinking they’re not going to stop, and while the school has a strict no-weapons policy, I don’t think the plastic sporks in the cafeteria are going to do much to combat them. I need protection, man. Serious protection. (Nick)”