“Come here my fattin’ up girlfriend and give me some kissin’.”

“My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it.”

“I heard you've been having some problems with your girlfriend." Headmistress Northcutt says. "No," I say. "Not at all." Audrey broke up with me after the winter holiday, exhausted by my moodiness. It's impossible to have problems with a girlfriend who's no longer mine.”

“On some of my darkest days, Lucifer's the one who comes and gives me an ice cream.”

“Here, I’ll show you how to use it. Let me see your foot.”“That’s a pretty intimate demand in the angel world. It usually takes dinner, some wine, and sparkling conversation for me to give up my feet.”

“My girlfriend is sad and quiet and keeps me up all night worrying about her.”