“You've got to S-M-I-L-ETo be H-A-Double-P-Y”

“My Chicken can do a special trick!"And what is that?"She can lay an egg!"And what's so special about THAT?!"Well, Can YOU lay an egg?”

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”

“I think using animals for food is an ethical thing to do, but we've got to do it right. We've got to give those animals a decent life and we've got to give them a painless death. We owe the animal respect.”

“Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.- Jane”

“I said, "Some people do know more than others. That contributes to the impression that someone, somewhere,knows the whole thing." [p. 38]”

“Women can be divided, more or less, into cows and shrews, and the shrews are to be avoided. [p. 74]”