“I sting like a butterfly and punch like a flea.”

“Hey, I'm like Aretha Franklin, I don't get no R -S -P -E -C -T around here!”

“Last week we spent three hours talking about Fifty Shades of Gray. Hey, myself, I like charcoal gray; Martin, he's into slat gray.”

“Last week we spent three hours talking about Fifty Shades of Gray. Hey, myself, I like charcoal gray. Martin, he's into slate gray.”

“A feller that chatters all the time is bound to talk a certain amount of drivel”

“But I do like Scotland. I like the miserable weather. I like the miserable people, the fatalism, the negativity, the violence that's always just below the surface. And I like the way you deal with religion. One century you're up to your lugs in it, the next you're trading the whole apparatus in for Sunday superstores. Praise the Lord and thrash the bairns. Ask and ye shall have the door shut in your face. Blessed are they that shop on the Sabbath, for they shall get the best bargains. Oh yes, this is a very fine country.”

“Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.”