“Philosophers have a long tradition of marrying stupid women, from Socrates on. They think it clever.”

“Socrates: So even our walks are dangerous here. But you seem to have avoided the most dangerous thing of all.Bertha: What's that?Socrates: Philosophy. Bertha: Oh, we have philosophers here. Socrates: Where are they?Bertha: In the philosophy department.Socrates: Philosophy is not department. Bertha: Well, we have philosophers.Socrates: Are they dangerous?Bertha: Of course not.Socrates: Then they are not true philosophers.”

“So long as victory can be attained,  stupid haste is preferable to clever dilatoriness.”

“Men are pigs, darling. I really have every sympathy for women that they actually have to choose one of these arrogant, stupid morons to settle down with and marry.”

“The pre-Socratic Greek philosopher Parmenides taught that the only things that are real are things which never change... and the pre-Socratic Greek philosopher Heraclitus taught that everything changes. If you superimpose their two views, you get this result: Nothing is real.”

“As Socrates so philosophically put it, since we don't know what death is, it is illogical to fear it.”