“I cry a lot.''Yeah? Well I'm gonna change that.”

“Just FYI," Lenny says, his face still red from the nasty sunburn. "I've got a shitload of condoms in my duffle. Front pocket.""For what?""Listen if you don't know what condoms are for I'm not gonna teach you.""I know what they're for, shithead. I just highly doubt you're getting any ass on this trip.""Watch me," Lenny says. "My boy gets action all the time.""Yeah, I bet your right hand is tired from all that action" I mumble as I walk to the bathroom. "I'm a leftie!" Lenny calls after me.I try not to wince from thinking about it.”

“[about her offer of a Swedish massage]Alex: You're not Swedish. Brittany: Yeah, well, neither are you. So if I do it wrong you'll never know the difference.”

“I keep my expectations low, so nobody disappoints me." "Yeah, well, I have high expectations." I look toward Miranda. "I guess my friends do, too." "Expectations make people miserable, so whatever yours are, lower them. You'll definitely be happier.”

“What are you gonna do if I break one of your *&^%$ing rules?”

“There's been something nagging at me all day. As long as I'm here with him, I might as well ask. "Did we kiss last night?" "Yes." "Well, it wasn't memorable because I have no recollection of it." He laughs. "I was kiddin'. We didn't kiss." He leans in. "When we kiss you'll remember it. Forever.”

“I want to live life on my own terms. But I'm Mexican, so mi familia is always there to guide me in everything I do, whether I want them to or not. Well, "guide" is too weak a word. "Dictate" is more like it.”