“I flip open my phone to text Jessica:Me: Guess who's pregnant?Jess: u?Me: Get real.Jess: ur mom?Me: yepJess: Mazel tov!?Me: Don't congratulate me, plzJess: Could b worseMe: How?Jess: Could be u?Me: I'm a virgin.Jess: Nobody's perfect.”

“GUESS WHERE I AM.CLUE? she texted back SWEAR U WON'T TELL A SOUL? U HAVE 2 ASK?I reluctantly texted,@ DINNER W. MARCIE'S DAD.#?@#$?!&MY MOM IS DATING HIM.TRAITOR! IF THEY GET MARRIED, U & MARCIE...COULD USE A LITTLE CONSOLATION HERE!DOES HE KNOW UR TEXTING ME? Vee asked.NO. THEY R INSIDE. I'M IN THE PARKING LOT ----COOPERSMITHS.THE PIMP. 2 GOOD 4 APPLEBEE'S, I SEE.I'M GOING 2 ORDER THE MOST EXPENSIVE THINGS ON THE MENU. IF ALL GOES WELL,HIM GOING TO THROW HANK'S DRINK IN HIS FACE 2.”

“Stridey-Man' asked, Want 2 vacay w/me?William snorted as he typed. Romantic getaway for 2? UR not my type, dickwad.Fuck U. i'm everybody's types. So U in or out?Last chance in or out?InKnew U couldn't resist me. B ready in 5.Right on. Make it 10. I want 2 style my hair for U. U know, just how U like it.ASSHOLE.”

“Stridey-Man: " Want 2 vaca w/me?"William: "Romantic getaway for 2? UR not my type"Stridey-Man: "I'm everyone's type. So U in or out? 'Cause I'm thinking about hooking up w/P, wherever he is. U'd just B extra baggage."William: "In"Stridey: "Knew you couldn't resist me. B ready in 5."William: "Right on. Make it 10. I want 2 style my hair for U. U know, just how U like it."Stridey: "Now U only have 8 minutes 2 do UR hair.”

“I was just going to call and say hi.""Give me the phone." I hand it over. Jess, despite her scrawniness, is stronger than I am and could beat me up. She turns my cell off and hands it back. Clearly, I'm very drunk, because it appears to me that the matter is now closed.”

“no matter how u run away, no matter how can u pretend, no matter how scared u are there is gona be the sense u have missed something, fallen heart feeling u mixed with in the moments u should live, u will get used to that feeling, believe me when i tell u, this is crazy, some day ur life will be sou r just warming up”