“A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it. ”

“The sound of a harpsichord – two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm. ”

“Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on. ”

“There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between.”

“Try everything once, except folk dancing and incest.”

“Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands – and all you can do is scratch it.”

“The many great gardens of the world, of literature and poetry, of painting and music, of religion and architecture, all make the point as clear as possible: The soul cannot thrive in the absence of a garden. If you don't want paradise, you are not human; and if you are not human, you don't have a soul.”