“The sound of a harpsichord – two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm. ”

“There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between.”

“Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on. ”

“A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it. ”

“Try everything once, except folk dancing and incest.”

“Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands – and all you can do is scratch it.”

“Thus is Man that great and true Amphibium, whose nature is disposed to live, not onely like other creatures in divers elements, but in divided and distinguished worlds: for though there be but one to sense, there are two to reason, the one visible, the other invisible.”