“There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between.”

“The sound of a harpsichord – two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm. ”

“Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on. ”

“A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it. ”

“Try everything once, except folk dancing and incest.”

“Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands – and all you can do is scratch it.”

“The Utopians call those nations that come and ask magistrates from them Neighbours; but those to whom they have been of more particular service, Friends; and as all other nations are perpetually either making leagues or breaking them, they never enter into an alliance with any state. They think leagues are useless things, and believe that if the common ties of humanity do not knit men together, the faith of promises will have no great effect; and they are the more confirmed in this by what they see among the nations round about them, who are no strict observers of leagues and treaties.”