“Try everything once, except folk dancing and incest.”

“The sound of a harpsichord – two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm. ”

“Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on. ”

“A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it. ”

“There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between.”

“Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands – and all you can do is scratch it.”

“As someone called Anonymous once said, 'You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.”