“I'm a wanted fugitive, and you're an upstanding bachelor of the year!”
“You don't need to know what you're escaping from to become a fugitive.”
“Sorry, Ms. Terwilliger. I'm flattered that you think I'm such an upstanding person, but I'm already caught up in one epic battle of good versus evil. I don't need another.”
“...the memory of a particular image is but regret for a particular moment, and houses, roads, avenues are as fugitive, alas, as the years.”
“While bachelors are lonely people, I'm convinced that married men are lonely people with dependents.”
“Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?”