“So that’s why vampires are so pissed off all the time? Because their junk’s gone rusty?”

“You just kissed me! Why isn't your face melting off?”

“We’re on a tight leash. We gotta do things by the book so no shooting yourself or trying to blow me up this time.”“I thought we agreed that we weren’t gonna talk about that anymore.”

“Boy, you are outta line!” Joe yelled. “I’m outta line?! You’re screwing a vampire!” “You hypocritical little bastard!” “Yeah, you’re a hypocripical-hypocri-hyp-hyp-hyp, I HATE THAT WORD!”

“God picked me to be his punching bag...so who am I suposed to pray to for mercy?”

“You know, I've been almost kidnapped and killed more times in the last thirty-six hours than anyone in history, and yet here I am trying to help you work through your personal issues and that Claire...that is why I always get the last cookie,”

“Freakin’ fairies, you’re too damn small!”“Dude, you’re a faecist.”“A what?”“A fae-racist, you’re a faecist.”“That’s not even a real word!”“Patten pending,”