“It's okay to write crap. Just don't try publishing it while it's still crap.”

“Rule #1 in the Universe: the crap always hits the fan. It's the nature of crap. It's a fan magnet.”

“Problem is, the bathroom pass can't help you escape life. It's still there when you come out. Problems and crap don't go away hiding in the can.”

“One thing I don't like about crap: its size that is too big to be digested.”

“Teachers, parents, guidance counselors... all of them are always pushing this crap about how it's okay to be different, just be yourself. Don't give in to peer pressure, blah, blah, blah. The truth is, it's really only okay to be yourself if that self is within an accepted range of "normal." You like soccer instead of basketball, Johnny? Well, okay, I guess, so long as you still like sports. What's that, Susie, you want to wear the blue sweater instead of the red? You know we're all about expressing individuality here... so long as it's still a sweater.”

“- My little brother craps himself."I laughed. "- Well, maybe it's because he's, like, only one?""- Whatever, it's still gross.”