“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.”

“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

“Here's my advice to you: don't marry until you can tell yourself that you've done all you could, and until you've stopped loving the women you've chosen, until you see her clearly, otherwise you'll be cruelly and irremediably mistaken. Marry when you're old and good for nothing...Otherwise all that's good and lofty in you will be lost.”

“Quit now, you'll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there.”

“The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.”

“Ring a ding dillo del! derry, del, my hearties! If you come soon you'll find breakfast on the table. If you come late you'll get grass and rain-water!”