“There are three types of friends: those like food without which you can't live those like medicine which you need occasionally and those like an illness which you never want.”

“There are three types of people in this world. Those who watch it happen, those who let it happen,and those who make it happen. Which are you?”

“There are three types of people in this world; Those who Sit, those who Stand, and those who Run. I've never doubted which I am.”

“A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you never entirely recover.”

“A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you never entirely recover.”

“A comedian is simply a different kind of therapist. A comedian is a psychologist and a psychiatrist rolled into one. Except I can't prescribe medicine. (You still need a doctorate, which is bullshit.) Okay, so I'm not like a psychiatrist. Fine. But I'm still like a psychologist (except I can't diagnose or treat mental illness).”