“Nobody ever plays the romantic part I write for them in my head.”

“If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer?”

“So here were the facts: I felt possessive of her. Not in a romantic sort of way, but in a "hit her over the head, drag her off by the hair, and fuck her" way. Like she was my toy and I was keeping the other boys in the sandbox from playing with her. How sick was that? If she ever heard me admit to that, she would cut off my balls and feed them to me.”

“I was supposed to write a romantic comedy, but my characters broke up.”

“I have the strangest thoughts in my head, maybe I should not write them down.”

“There are things roaming around inside my head as clever as Theseus in the Labyrinth. It's just that nobody ever gave them the necessary piece of string, so they'll never find their way out.”