“Why on earth declutter when you can just shrinkwrap?”

“Bex...why did you buy an inflatable canoe?''It's for you to lie on. Or something.''And a watering can?''I couldn't find a plant spray.'Breathlessly I start shoving bags into the taxi.'But why do I need a plant spray?''Look,it wasn't my idea, OK?' I say defensively.”

“Christmas shopping! I can do all my Christmas shopping here! I know March is a bit early, but why not be organized? And then when Christmas arrives I won't have to go near the horrible Christmas crowds.”

“L: You want me just to be your... friend?E: You want the truth? I think you're my guardian angel. L: What?E: Do you know what it's like to have someone crash into your life with no warning? When you landed in my office, I was like, Who the fuck is this? But you shook me up. You brought me back to life at a time when I was in limbo. You were just what I needed...You're just what I need.L: Well I need you too. So we're even.E: No, you don't need me. You're doing just fine.L: Ok. Maybe I don't need you. But... I want you.”

“No human on God's earth is a nobody.”

“I can't help giving her the Mummy Once-Over myself, and she's one of those mothers who wears Crocs over nubbly homemade socks. (Why would you do that? Why?)”

“I can do this, I tell myself firmly. I can be attracted to him. It's just a matter of self control and possibly also getting very drunk. So I lift my glass and take several huge gulps. I can feel the bubbles surging into my head, singing happily "I'm going to be a millionaire's wife! I'm going to be a millionaire's wife!" And when I look back at Tarquin, he already looks a bit more attractive. Alcohol is obviously going to be the key to our marital status.”