“You love the bitch from hell? Well then, you must be nuts.”

“Oh, my God, you smiled! Mr. American Frown actually smiled!""Must have been a mistake. I'll speak to someone about it. Won't happen again.""Well, good. Because you could do your face and injury, just smiling like that.”

“A cold dismay creeps over me. Oh okay, maybe I did once kind of pretend I had a stalker. Which I shouldn't have done. But I mean, just because you invent one tiny stalker - that doesn't make you a complete nut case, does it?”

“A man will never love you or treat you as well as a store. If a man doesn’t fit, you can’t exchange him seven days later for a gorgeous cashmere sweater. And a store always smells good. A store can awaken a lust for things you never even knew you needed. And when your fingers first grasp those shiny, new bags…”

“she's a red-Headed bitch and I hate her!”

“You can want and want and want, but if he doesn't want you back ... you might as well wish the sky were red.”

“Life is like an escalator. You see, it carries you on regardless. And you might as well enjoy the view and seize every opportunity while you're passing. Otherwise, it'll be too late.”