“Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”

“He seems like a good guy but you need to find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot and who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Who wants to show off how pretty you look even in sweats...Who thinks you’re just as pretty without make-up and reminds you how lucky he is to have you. The one that says ‘that’s her.”

“The key to finding lasting love is to find someone who loves you, battlescars and all.”

“Julia Kline, you’ve spent your whole life running and all you’ve done is run farther away from the love that’s been waiting for you all along. The first time you smiled at me with your two missing teeth you had my undivided attention. When you laugh, I want to laugh with you. When you cry, I want to be the one to hold you. When you said you loved me, you highjacked my heart forever. They say that love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Your happiness is what I will spend the rest of my life striving to give you. I love you so much. Will you do the honor of marrying me?”

“If I was really a bitch I’d make your life a living hell. Instead, I’ll just stand by and watch you do that yourself. You seem to do a pretty good job at it.”

“A girl can dream can’t she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find a Christian Grey.”

“Listen Noah, I've had two helpings of flaming bitch this morning. Satan himself wouldn't fuck with me right now...”