“Why do people say to grow a pair of balls? Balls are weak and sensitive. They should say grow a vagina, those things can take a pounding.”

“A friend said to me, “Hey you need to grow a pair. Grow a pair, Bro.” It’s when someone calls you weak, but they associate it with a lack of testicles. Which is weird, because testicles are the most sensitive things in the world. If you suddenly just grew a pair, you’d be a lot more vulnerable. If you want to be tough, you should lose a pair. If you want to be real tough, you should grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”

“My granny always says "Women are like angels, when someone breaks our wings we continue to fly around on our broomsticks because we're flexible like that”

“Julia Kline, you’ve spent your whole life running and all you’ve done is run farther away from the love that’s been waiting for you all along. The first time you smiled at me with your two missing teeth you had my undivided attention. When you laugh, I want to laugh with you. When you cry, I want to be the one to hold you. When you said you loved me, you highjacked my heart forever. They say that love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Your happiness is what I will spend the rest of my life striving to give you. I love you so much. Will you do the honor of marrying me?”

“He seems like a good guy but you need to find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot and who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Who wants to show off how pretty you look even in sweats...Who thinks you’re just as pretty without make-up and reminds you how lucky he is to have you. The one that says ‘that’s her.”

“If I was really a bitch I’d make your life a living hell. Instead, I’ll just stand by and watch you do that yourself. You seem to do a pretty good job at it.”

“A girl can dream can’t she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find a Christian Grey.”