“Did not. My stubbornness doesn’t even own a gun. My stubbornness is a pacifist.”

“Excuse me. What did you say to me? For your information Danielle, the stick up my ass has served me well over the years. I will not be removing it, but I might have something to shove up yours when you return from class.”

“What makes you think it was your sperm? My sperm is obviously the dominant sperm. My sperm told your sperm to get to the back of line. The boy will have black hair and green eyes.”Sam shook his head. “I bet my sperm listens to your sperm just about as good as I listen to you. My sperm is also very impatient. It ran to that egg. Little Sam is gonna be a handful.”

“Paddles and floggers and whips, oh my! - Location 3816”

“I love you. That won't change because you tell me you don't love me. My love is not dependent on yours. It's just there, and I won't do anything to cut it out of my heart. It's what I've waited for all my life, and if you walk out that door, I'll go to my grave loving you, missing you, praying that you'll come back to me. I will never love another woman the way I love you. I will always be there for you. If you leave, know that my door is open. I will always be waiting for you to walk back through it.”

“I don’t think about that day the crazy lady tried to shoot Abby but got you instead. It was an awful day. When it does cross my mind, I turn it around and think about something nice, like Abby’s pussy. I just take a deep breath and picture it in my mind. It’s my happy place.”

“This was taken when my brother was last on leave. My mom’s new boyfriend took it. Now there’s an insane person. Well, he’s from the next town over. Everyone in that freaking town is butt-fuck crazy. I’m totally moving there one day.”