“The die was cast. It was a proud day for the Milligan family as I was taken from the house. "I'm too young to go," I screamed as Military Policemen dragged me from my pram, clutching a dummy. At Victoria Station the R.T.O. gave me a travel warrant, a white feather and a picture of Hitler marked "This is your enemy." I searched every compartment, but he wasn't on the train. At 4.30, June 2nd, 1940, on a summer's day all mare's tails and blue sky we arrived at Bexhill-on-Sea, where I got off. It wasn't easy. The train didn't stop there.”

“Come, come, come? I'm not asking for hundreds of pounds, just a little to start with. Will someone say ten shillings?' 'I can say it, Father' said Milligan, 'but I haven't got it.' 'I've got it,' thought Dr Goldstein, 'but I'm not going to say it.”

“General: Where are you from?Spike: London.General: Which part?Spike: ... Well, all of me.”

“Author, author, did you write these legs?( The Milligan- Puckoon”

“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.”

“A family man from SiberiaAs a father was very inferiorBut one operationRevised the situationAnd now he's Mother Superior”

“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. ”