“Nothing smells worse than a mans restroom in a bar, well that's what the lady told me when I called her number from the wall.”

“When I was a kid I loved wall paper it added a lot of fiber to my paint chips.”

“The only thing worse than a Mexican Stand Off is a Peace Pact that Fails!”

“The way you separate Reality from Imagination is the number of bandages you have to use.”

“When my mind plays tricks on me I can deal. But when my mind plays tricks on my mind I can not tell what's real”

“When people tell me to go fly a kite I tell them to go dig a ditch. They say "why dig a ditch"? I say because I want to be closer to Heaven than you.”

“Is it just me or am I the only person that didn't receive an invitation to the Grand Ball so many call life?”