“Saying I don't take my meds because they make me feel funny. Is like cannibals saying they don't eat clowns because the taste funny”

“...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?'Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it.I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up.”

“I don't hafta taste it to know it taste funny. It already looks like it taste funny.”

“Two cannibals were eating a comedian, and one of them turns to the other and asks, 'Does this taste funny to you?”

“It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going to know about it.”

“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humorous, a person says, “That’s funny,” and when it’s funny, a person can’t say anything because they’re too busy laughing.”