“The only thing worse than a Mexican Stand Off is a Peace Pact that Fails!”

“Nothing smells worse than a mans restroom in a bar, well that's what the lady told me when I called her number from the wall.”

“I really like Google+ it's much better than face book. The only game you can play on it is life. Which is a game that can only be played and never won.”

“I believe in 'Positives' not Negatives the only thing about Alcohol I'm Powerless over is those Damn Taxes”

“When you master love and make your life an ocean of emotion and your compassion your only fashion the things you see will set you free.”

“My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny.”

“I believe if I Piss God off one more time. I'll be eligible to win a free Bible”