“Because if I smashed anything, Team Jaiden would just get me into a behavior modification program, or maybe some doctor would put be on drugs for my ADD or bipolarism or depression or whatever they're calling being alive and feeling royally screwed these days.”

“To see someone hurt, to really understand that, is the same as being hurt yourself. To see someone happy is the the same as being happy. To feel love, the same as feeling loved. To see someone die, the same as dying. We're one. We're built that way. It's in our bones." ~Carlton from TimeTripper Book three: Blindsighted by Stefan Petrucha”

“It's toys, boy, all toys. You'll see more and more contraptions as you get older, but if I teach you anything, you'll learn that all of this is decoration. What counts is what's inside you and what you can see in others. ”

“Nate jumped up and down, voice cracking as he talked. "It worked! It worked! My Taser worked! Ha! Oh yeah, oh yeah! I can't believe I got this thing on eBay!”

“Really, boy, unless you're ready to deal with the monster, you shouldn't go looking under the bed.”

“Backed into a corner, the poor can riot, but the rich start war.”

“(Excerpt from a standup routine by Matt Graham:)Last Friday, my roommate sent me out to get some canned fish, because we're having some Catholic survivalists over for dinner. Weirdest thing happened. I'm coming up the steps, I stumble, all the groceries fall down the stairs. Except for a can of salmon, which falls up the stairs. Bizarre experience, but it gave me an idea. Couple nights later I was driving the wrong way down a one-way street. Cop pulled me over. I told him I was spawning. He said, 'Young man, I have reason to believe you're DUI. You know what that is?' I said, 'Do I!”