“Really, boy, unless you're ready to deal with the monster, you shouldn't go looking under the bed.”
“When there's a monster under your bed sometimes it really is best not to look.”
“Unless you're under 12 or into role playing, you shouldn't be wearing Mickey Mouse ears #AHOLE”
“A little boy who's discovered the monster under the bed is actually real, and it's screwing Mommy.”
“Unless you're ready to mount a cloud 'n' learn harp music, you better let go of me!”
“High school isn't a very important place. When you're going you think it's a big deal, but when it's over nobody really thinks it was great unless they're beered up.”