“Awesome ends with me; but Ugly starts with u...”

“There is no end or purpose to existence, only ceaseless creation and destruction, governed entirely by chance.”

“I seem to be able to get away with pun strips if I add a panel at the end where I somehow indicate that I know it's a bad pun.”

“My wife Staci made me go to a wedding last weekend...If it weren’t for her, I’d be happy.”

“I put Post-It notes everywhere to remind me of everything. I stick a ton of them on my computer monitor, telephone, and wallet. The problem now is that there are so many of them that my mind has blocked them all out. So I now need Post-It notes to remind me to look at my Post-It notes.”

“Everyone cites [Charles Schulz], but it’s with good reason. He taught me timing, tone, character development, practically everything.”

“Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)”