“You act like a team player,you be nice to everyone for your entire life,then you die.”

“It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian tiger-from a distance, preferably separated by bars.”

“Whenever I see people with their collars up, I'm tempted to point it out to them like you would for someone who has a food stain on their shirt or food in their teeth, as if to say, 'Your fashion sense is so offensive I'm assuming it's some sort of accident you'll want to fix.”

“When you can't draw chameleons and you can't draw blenders, it's a bad idea to write strips where chameleons become blenders.”

“Humility is what you strive for when you've failed at everything else.”

“Having a syndicated comic strip is a great platform for ripping on expressions you hate.”

“Everyone cites [Charles Schulz], but it’s with good reason. He taught me timing, tone, character development, practically everything.”