“I was on a mission. I had to learn to comfort myself, to see what others saw in me and believe it. I needed to discover what the hell made me happy other than being in love. Mission impossible. When did figuring out what makes you happy become work? How had I let myself get to this point, where I had to learn me..? It was embarrassing. In my college psychology class, I had studied theories of adult development and learned that our twenties are for experimenting, exploring different jobs, and discovering what fulfills us. My professor warned against graduate school, asserting, "You're not fully formed yet. You don't know if it's what you really want to do with your life because you haven't tried enough things." Oh, no, not me.." And if you rush into something you're unsure about, you might awake midlife with a crisis on your hands," he had lectured it. Hi. Try waking up a whole lot sooner with a pre-thirty predicament worm dangling from your early bird mouth. "Well to begin," Phone Therapist responded, "you have to learn to take care of yourself. To nurture and comfort that little girl inside you, to realize you are quite capable of relying on yourself. I want you to try to remember what brought you comfort when you were younger." Bowls of cereal after school, coated in a pool of orange-blossom honey. Dragging my finger along the edge of a plate of mashed potatoes. I knew I should have thought "tea" or "bath," but I didn't. Did she want me to answer aloud? "Grilled cheese?" I said hesitantly. "Okay, good. What else?" I thought of marionette shows where I'd held my mother's hand and looked at her after a funny part to see if she was delighted, of brisket sandwiches with ketchup, like my dad ordered. Sliding barn doors, baskets of brown eggs, steamed windows, doubled socks, cupcake paper, and rolled sweater collars. Cookouts where the fathers handled the meat, licking wobbly batter off wire beaters, Christmas ornaments in their boxes, peanut butter on apple slices, the sounds and light beneath an overturned canoe, the pine needle path to the ocean near my mother's house, the crunch of snow beneath my red winter boots, bedtime stories. "My parents," I said. Damn. I felt like she made me say the secret word and just won extra points on the Psychology Game Network. It always comes down to our parents in therapy.”

“My therapist told me I need to learn to love myself. It sounds easy enough, but really, how do you just wake up one day and learn that? It feels like something you should just do involuntarily, like swallowing or blinking, but now I have to work on it. It feels so forced. I mean, I know I went to a good school, and people tell me I'm smart and creative, but I don't KNOW that. I don't know how to make myself feel that.”

“I want you to think of two different situations. First, remember times when you've felt your best, at the top of your game, alive and vibrant. Pay attention to your posture, the muscles in your face, your breathing. Then, I want you to think of occasions where you've felt sick or anxious. Don't just think of people. Think of activities. This will help us reveal what makes you happy. Pay attention to how your body responds to these scenarios - it will serve as your biggest indicator in the future when you're actually doing things." This woman was damn brilliant. "And remember, it's okay to feel sad, but just try to limit your bouts with it to an hour a day. Let it all out, give yourself that time to heal, nurture and comfort yourself. You won't heal unless you grieve. Grieving is good.""Good grief?""Yes. It takes courage to grieve.”

“What are you doing here?"He takes a deep breath. "I came for you.""And how on EARTH did you know I was up here?""I saw you." He pauses. "I came to make another wish,and I was standing on Point Zero when I saw you enter the tower. I called your name,and you looked around,but you didn't see me.""So you decided to just...come up?" I'm doubtful,despite the evidence in front of me.It must have taken superhuman strength for him to make it past the first flight of stairs alone."I had to.I couldn't wait for you to come down,I couldn't wait any longer. I had to see you now.I have to know-"He breaks off,and my pulse races. What what what?"Why did you lie to me?"The question startles me.Not what I was expecting.Nor hoping.He's still on the ground,but he stares up at me.His brown eyes are huge and heartbroken. I'm confused. "I'm sorry, I don't know what-""November.At the creperie. I asked you if we'd talked about anything strange that night I was drunk in your room.If I had said anything about our relationship,or my relationship with Ellie.And you said no."Oh my God. "How did you know?""Josh told me.""When?""November."I'm stunned. "I...I..." My throat is dry. "If you'd seen the look on your face that day.In the restaurant. How could I possibly tell you? With your mother-""But if you had,I wouldn't have wasted all of these months.I thought you were turning me down.I thought you weren't interested.""But you were drunk! You had a girlfriend! What was I supposed to do? God,St. Clair,I didn't even know if you meant it.""Of course I meant it." He stands,and his legs falter."Careful!"Step.Step.Step. He toddles toward me,and I reach for his hand to guide him.We're so close to the edge. He sits next to me and grips my hand harder. "I meant it,Anna.I mean it.""I don't under-"He's exasperated. "I'm saying I'm in love with you! I've been in love with you this whole bleeding year!"My mind spins. "But Ellie-""I cheated on her every day.In my mind, I thought of you in ways I shouldn't have,again and again. She was nothing compared to you.I've never felt this way about anybody before-""But-""The first day of school." He scoots closer. "We weren't physics partners by accident.I saw Professeur Wakefield assigning lab partners based on where people were sitting,so I leaned forward to borrow a pencil from you at just the right moment so he'd think we were next to each other.Anna,I wanted to be your partner the first day.""But..." I can't think straight."I doubt you love poetry! 'I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly,between the shadow and the soul.'"I blink at him."Neruda.I starred the passage.God," he moans. "Why didn't you open it?""Because you said it was for school.""I said you were beautiful.I slept in your bed!""You never mave a move! You had a girlfriend!""No matter what a terrible boyfriend I was,I wouldn't actually cheat on her. But I thought you'd know.With me being there,I thought you'd know."We're going in circles. "How could I know if you never said anything?""How could I know if you never said anyting?""You had Ellie!""You had Toph! And Dave!”

“Cookie, you have to stop preemptively ending things before they even start. I know you're afraid of making yourself vulnerable, but if you keep impeding things before they even begin, just out of fear, you'll never know." I'd never know joy. Shit damn. I worried she was right. What if I was snapping into "screw you, your loss" mode too fast? How do you take back, "No you're the one who missed"? Me and my drama trap doors.”

“Peeta, you said at the interview you’d had a crush on me forever. When did forever start?Oh, let’s see. I guess the first day of school. We were five. You had on a red plaid dress and your hair...it was in two braids instead of one. My father pointed you out when we were waiting to line up."Your father? Why?"He said, ‘See that little girl? I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran off with a coal miner.'"What? You’re making that up!"No, true story. And I said, 'A coal miner? Why did she want a coal miner if she could’ve had you?' And he said, 'Because when he sings...even the birds stop to listen.”

“I'm sorry," she whispers."You're sorry? You've been dating Toph for the last month,and you're sorry?""It just happened.I meant to tell you, I wanted to tell you-""But you lost control over your mouth? Because it's easy,Bridge. Talking is easy. Look at me! I'm talking right-""You know it wasn't that easy! I didn't mean for it to happen,it just did-""Oh,you didn't mean to wreck my life? It just 'happened'?"Bridge stands up from behind her drums. It's impossible,but she's taller than me now. "What do you mean,wreck your life?""Don't play dumb,you know exactly what I mean. How could you do this to me?""Do what? It's not like you were dating!"I scream in frustration. "We certainly won't be now!"She sneers. "It's kind of hard to date someone who's not interested in you.""LIAR!""What,you ditch us for Paris and expect us to put our lives on hold for you?"My jaw drops. "I didn't ditch you. They sent me away.""Ooo,yeah.To Paris.Meanwhile,I'm stuck here in Shitlanta, Georgia, at the same shitty school,doing shitty babysitting jobs-""If babysitting my brother is so shitty, why do you do it?""I didn't meant-""Because you want to turn him against me, too? Well.Congratulations, Bridge. It worked. My brother loves you and hates me. So you're welcome to move in when I leave again,because that's what you want, right? My life?"She shakes with fury. "Go to hell.""Take my life.You can have it. Just watch out for the part where my BEST FRIEND SCREWS ME OVER!" I knock over a cymbal stand,and the brass hits the stage with an earsplitting crash that reverberates through the bowling alley. Matt calls my name.Has he been calling it this entire time? He grabs my arm and leads me around the electrical cords and plugs and onto the floor and away,away,away.Everyone in the bowling alley is staring at me.”