“Really, Joe? Really? You freaking think so?”

“There is practically no activity that cannot be enhanced or replaced by knitting, if you really want to get obsessive about it.”

“When confronted with a birthday in a week I will remember that a book can be a really good present, too.”

“ I will continue to freak out my children by knitting in public. It's good for them.”

“Dear designer of questionable intent,Please send me a photo of yourself. Please be wearing the knitted pants that you designed. It's not that I don't believe that there is anyone out there thing enough to wear horizontally stripped trousers knit from chunky wool, it's just that I would like to know whether you are deliberately cruel or whether you are the one woman these would look really great on.”

“Some knitters say that they buy yarn with no project in mind and wait patiently for the yarn to "speak" to them. This reminds me of Michelangelo, who believed that every block of stone he carved had the statue waiting inside and that all he did was reveal it. I think I've had yarn speak to me during the knitting process, and I've definitely spoken to it. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong, or maybe my yarn and I aren't on such good terms, but it really seems to me that all I say is "please" and all it ever says is "no".”

“Advice for New KnittersWhen choosing a pattern, look for ones that have words such as "simple", "basic", and "easy". If you see the words "intriguing", "challenging", or "intricate", look elsewhere. If you happen across a pattern that says "heirloom", slowly put down the pattern and back away."Heirloom" is knitting code for "This pattern is so difficult that you would consider death a relief".”