“But—”“But what? You love him, and he loves you, and you live in the most romantic city in the world.”I shake my head. “It’s not that simple.”“Then let me put it another way. A gorgeous boy is in love with you, and you’re not even gonna try to make it work?”

“But what? You love him, he loves you and you're in the most romantic city in the world.”

“We used to hang out all the time. St. Clair and me.But after you arrived,I hardly saw him. He'd sit next to you in class,at lunch,at the movies. Everywhere. And even though I was suspicious,I knew the first time I heard you call him Etienne-I knew you loved him.And I knew by his response-the way his eyes lit up every time you said it-I knew he loved you,too. And I ignored it,because I didn't want to believe it."The struggle rises inside me again. "I don't know if he loves me.I don't know if he does,or if he ever did.It's all so messed up.""It's obvious he wants more than friendship." Mer takes my shaking mug. "Haven't you seen him? He suffers every time he looks at you.I've never seen anyone so miserable in my life.""That's not true." I'm remembering he said the situation with his father is really terrible right now. "He has other things on his mind,more important things.""Why aren't the two of you together?"The directness of her question throws me. "I don't know.Sometimes I think there are only so many opportunies...to get together with someone.And we've both screwed up so many times"-my voice grows quiet-"that we've missed our chance.""Anna." Mer pauses. "That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.""But-""But what? You love him,and he loves you, and you live in the most romantic city in the world."I shake my head. "It's not that simple.""Then let me put it another way.A gorgeous boy is in love with you, and you're not even gonna try to make it work?”

“The directness of her question throws me. "I don't know. Sometimes I think there are only so many opportunities...to get together with someone. And we've both screwed up so many times"- my voice grows quiet - "that we've missed our chance.""Anna." Mer pauses. "That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.""But—""But what? You love him, and he loves you, and you live in the most romantic city in the world.”

“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.”

“Are you kidding?” I stop in the middle of the kitchen. Spin around. My face is pulled together in disbelief. “You’ve spoken to me maybe once in the two weeks I’ve been here. I hardly even notice you anymore.”“Okay, hold up,” he says, turning to block my path. “We both know there’s no way you haven’t noticed all of this” — he gestures to himself — “so if you’re trying to play games with me, I should let you know up front that it’s not going to work.”“What?” I frown. “What are you talking abou—”“You can’t play hard to get, kid.” He raises an eyebrow. “I can’t even touch you. Takes ‘hard to get’ to a whole new level, if you know what I mean.”“Oh my God,” I mouth, eyes closed, shaking my head. “You are insane.”He falls to his knees. “Insane for your sweet, sweet love!”