“You tell me I'm beautiful,and that you like my hair and you like my smile. You rest your leg against mine in darkened theaters,and then you act as if nothing happened when the lights go up.You slept in my bed for three nights straight,and then you just...blew me off for the next month.What am I supposed to do with that,St. Clair? You said on my birthday that you were afraid of being alone,but I've been here this whole time.This whole time.”
“What are you doing here?"He takes a deep breath. "I came for you.""And how on EARTH did you know I was up here?""I saw you." He pauses. "I came to make another wish,and I was standing on Point Zero when I saw you enter the tower. I called your name,and you looked around,but you didn't see me.""So you decided to just...come up?" I'm doubtful,despite the evidence in front of me.It must have taken superhuman strength for him to make it past the first flight of stairs alone."I had to.I couldn't wait for you to come down,I couldn't wait any longer. I had to see you now.I have to know-"He breaks off,and my pulse races. What what what?"Why did you lie to me?"The question startles me.Not what I was expecting.Nor hoping.He's still on the ground,but he stares up at me.His brown eyes are huge and heartbroken. I'm confused. "I'm sorry, I don't know what-""November.At the creperie. I asked you if we'd talked about anything strange that night I was drunk in your room.If I had said anything about our relationship,or my relationship with Ellie.And you said no."Oh my God. "How did you know?""Josh told me.""When?""November."I'm stunned. "I...I..." My throat is dry. "If you'd seen the look on your face that day.In the restaurant. How could I possibly tell you? With your mother-""But if you had,I wouldn't have wasted all of these months.I thought you were turning me down.I thought you weren't interested.""But you were drunk! You had a girlfriend! What was I supposed to do? God,St. Clair,I didn't even know if you meant it.""Of course I meant it." He stands,and his legs falter."Careful!"Step.Step.Step. He toddles toward me,and I reach for his hand to guide him.We're so close to the edge. He sits next to me and grips my hand harder. "I meant it,Anna.I mean it.""I don't under-"He's exasperated. "I'm saying I'm in love with you! I've been in love with you this whole bleeding year!"My mind spins. "But Ellie-""I cheated on her every day.In my mind, I thought of you in ways I shouldn't have,again and again. She was nothing compared to you.I've never felt this way about anybody before-""But-""The first day of school." He scoots closer. "We weren't physics partners by accident.I saw Professeur Wakefield assigning lab partners based on where people were sitting,so I leaned forward to borrow a pencil from you at just the right moment so he'd think we were next to each other.Anna,I wanted to be your partner the first day.""But..." I can't think straight."I doubt you love poetry! 'I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly,between the shadow and the soul.'"I blink at him."Neruda.I starred the passage.God," he moans. "Why didn't you open it?""Because you said it was for school.""I said you were beautiful.I slept in your bed!""You never mave a move! You had a girlfriend!""No matter what a terrible boyfriend I was,I wouldn't actually cheat on her. But I thought you'd know.With me being there,I thought you'd know."We're going in circles. "How could I know if you never said anything?""How could I know if you never said anyting?""You had Ellie!""You had Toph! And Dave!”
“The wind rattles the panes, and the lights buzz softly in the hall. He sleeps soundly.How long has it been since he's had a decent night's rest? There's another uncomfortable tug on my heart.Why do I care so much about him,and why do I wish I didn't? How can one person make me so confused all of the time?What is that? Is it lust? Or something else altogether? And is it even possible for me to feel this way about him without these feelings being reciprocated? He said that he liked me. He did.And even though he was drunk, he wouldn't have said it if there wasn't at least some truth to it. Right?I don't know.Like every time I'm with him,I don't know anything.He scoots closer to me in his sleep. His breath is warm against my neck.I don't know anything. He's so beautiful, so perfect. I wonder if he...if I...A ray of light glares into my eyes, and I squint,disoriented. Daylight. The red numbers on my clock read 11:27. Huh. Did I mean to sleep in? What day is it? And then I see the body in bed next to me.And I nearly jump out of my skin.So it wasn't a dream.His mouth is parted,and the sheets are kicked off.One of his hands rests on his stomach.His shirt has hiked up,and I can see his abdomen.My gaze is transfixed.Holy crap.I just slept with St. Clair.”
“Hey,508! Your room is right above mine. You never said."St. Clair smiles. "Maybe I didn't want you blaming me for keeping you up at night with my noisy stomping boots.""Dude.You do stomp.""I know.I'm sorry." He laughs and holds the door open for me.His room is neater than I expected. I always picture the guys with disgusting bedrooms-mountains of soiled boxer shorts and sweat-stained undershirts,unmade beds with sheets that haven't been changed in weeks, posters of beer bottles and women in neon bikinis,empty soda cans and chip bags,and random bits of model airplanes and discarded video games.s”
“Is he crying? I lean forward for a better look and find him staring right at me.Oh,no.Oh no oh no oh NO.He stops. "Anna?""Um.Hi." My face is on fire. I want to rewind this reel,shut it off, destroy it.His expression runs from confusion to anger. "Were you listening to that?""I'm sorry-""I can't believe you were eavesdropping!""It was an accident.I was passing by,and...you were there. And I've heard so much about your father,and I was curious.I'm sorry.""Well," he says, "I hope what you saw met your grandest expectations." He stalks past me,but I grab his arm."Wait! I don't even speak French, remember?""Do you proise," he says slowly, "that you didn't understand a single word of our conversation?"I let go of him. "No.I heard you. I heard the whole thing.”
“I'm fine.My father's an arse, and my mum is dying and-oh my God,I'm so pissed." St. Clair looked at me again. His eyes were glassy like black marbles. "Pissed.Pissed.Pissed.""We know you're pissed at your dad," I said. "It's okay. You're right, he's a jerk." I mean what was I supposed to say? He just found out his mother has cancer."Pissed is British for 'drunk,'" Mer said."Oh," I said. "Well. You're definitely that, too."Meanwhile,The Couple was fighting. "Where have you been?" Rashmi asked. "You said you'd be home three hours ago!"Josh rolled his eyes. "Out.We've been out. Someone had to help him-""And you call that helping? He's completely wasted. Catatonic. And you! God,you smell like car exhaust and armpits-""He couldn't drink alone.""You were supposed to be watching out for him! What if something happened?""Beer. Liquor. Thatsswhat happened. Don't be such a prude,Rash.”