“A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?”

“The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy's fear”

“NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.”

“Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.”

“I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.”

“Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.”

“I like the fact of John McCain's head being severed. Like that it will fit so much more nicely up George Bush's butt!”