“Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.”

“Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones, created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio, and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh, and everybody's high!”

“If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.”

“If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!”

“Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”

“Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!”

“There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.”