“I report, I decide.”

“Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your statethat makes people want to flee the Earth?"- Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones,"The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005”

“Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.”

“If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.”

“I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.”

“Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.”

“I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.”