“Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.”

“Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.”

“Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”

“I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.”

“Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.”

“Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones, created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio, and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh, and everybody's high!”

“Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!”